We left Shayla escaping from a falling starship and enduring a rather bumpy ride down. It's time to switch tracks and introduce Shayla's nemesis, who's just been woken with the news of the starship sabotage on her doorstep...
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Sentries on either side of the door to the security operations center came to attention. Imperial Chief of Security, Chalwen ap Gwynodd, straightened the tunic of her uniform as she approached. Red-rimmed eyes peered briefly back at her from a rough and ruddy face mirrored in the armored plastic of the door before it slid aside.
Chalwen's massive silhouette eclipsed the light from the corridor, hushing the buzz of conversation in the cavernous room ahead. She pursed her lips and surveyed the terraces of desks and lecterns rising towards the back of the room. She, in turn, felt a hundred and fifty pairs of eyes assessing her. Measuring her mood.
She paced, slow and steady, to the nearest aisle and began to climb.
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13 comments:
Nicely written, I can feel the tension she's experiencing. :-)
She must be pretty important if 150 people are worried about what kind of mood she's in lol.
Nicely done! You've painted her as formidable! I'm not sure if she's feared or respected. :-) Good 8, Ian!
Some palpable tension in the room. I really like this.
You've got me very curious about her.
Misha, she won't admit it openly, but this is her worst nightmare coming true.
Delores, she's their boss, and a cranky one too :)
Teresa, I hope a bit of both.
Marcia, glad the tension is coming through.
Millie, good, she's one of my favorite characters.
One minor point: is this hall of 150 people so dimly lit that the blocking of light from a single door would be noticed by everyone?
Nice buildup, can't wait to see what happens next! Great 8!
I love sci/fi! Kudos for a female in high power. Love it!
Sue Ann, I think it would depend who the "everyone" are, and what they are expecting...
Veronica, I'll cast ahead and see what I can usefully follow along this thread in 8 sentences. Shayla's bit was easy, fast action, but this section slows the pace somewhat.
Lisa, lots of high-ranking females in this story :) There's no gender bias in this world so male/female is pretty balanced.
Love that quiet moment where she endures the group's evaluation and then moves forward. Powerful.
Well done! I enjoy your writing style.
Hugs!
Valerie
Eleri, quiet, but not for long...
Valerie, thanks.
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