Sunday, May 18, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors May 18

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly blog hop where participants post up to eight sentences of their writing. You can find out more about it by clicking on the image below.
http://www.thebaldpatch.blogspot.ca/

This week we hop ahead a little bit. Chalwen is in conference with her three most senior commanders, Paul, Fleur, and Henri, discussing the measures taken to defend one of the planet's major cities against the falling ship.

Paul speaks first, in response to a question from Chalwen.

Creative punctuation alert!

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"Inside the perimeter we have five Implacable-class, lots of smaller units, but nothing with firepower to completely vaporize a starhopper in that short time. There would have been lots of debris, some of it big."

"I don't like having our planetary space so bare, I said it would be a problem. I'll seek an audience with Admiral Kuvar and insist he pull back a couple of Sword-class ships."

"He won't like that." Fleur's voice gave the impression that everything in life amused her. "They're his favorite tool for showing the flag around the provinces. There's nothing like a Sword hovering overhead to remind people how grateful they are to their Emperor."

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Ghosts of Innocence will be on sale soon. Now in the final rounds of proof-reading and tweaking the cover design.

11 comments:

  1. New subscriber/follower from WeWriWa. As this is my first time here, I know nothing, as yet, of your story.

    I'm wondering about the change of tenses in the first paragraph - going from present to past. It is of course, possible that my question simply arises from not knowing what has happened previously.

    I absolutely LOVE the last sentence. Swords (literal or figurative) hanging over one's head DO tend to shape our behavior. :O) Have a great week, Botanist!

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  2. Ooooohhh, the politics are starting to show! I like Fleur.This very fluid 8 told us a boatload about the Emperor. Nicely done, Ian! :-)

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  3. I assume this is clear in context, but in this short excerpt I'm not sure who spoke in the second paragraph. Dang, your characters and plot are compelling! My "must read" list has another addition.

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  4. LuAnn, good question but I think the tense usage is OK here. First sentence refers to a continuing state of affairs (we have...) while second is referring to a specific incident that kicks off the whole story. That is likely the bit of context missing. And, yes, I did name the ship class with the Sword of Damocles in mind :)

    Teresa, I like Fleur too, she's a fun character although she only makes a few appearances.

    Marcia, I hope it is clear in context. The previous paragraphs establish a dialogue between Chalwen and Paul, with both the preceding paras being tagged so I think the speakers would be clear. That's one of the troubles with lifting a section, especially dialogue, out of context.

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  5. And politics steps in to play over safety. Just like the real world. Well done, and I like Fleur's character too. :)

    History Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders

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  6. Always politics, even in another universe. Well done. It sounds authentic.

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  7. Cindy, Fleur's playfulness is much of the cat & canary kind :D

    Elaine, this setting is our own future universe, so I'm expecting that the human nature we are so familiar with will still run true to form. Yes, always politics :)

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  8. Yes, implied threats bring out the gratitude in people. What resentments they hide behind a smile, though...

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  9. I agree that the tense usage is appropriate. Oy, politics and egos... I like Fleur, she seems to call it as she sees it.

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  10. A falling starship? Sounds like a major meteorite impact.

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  11. Caitlin, that is so true!

    Chelle, yes, Fleur is rather direct and not afraid to be politically incorrect.

    Sue Ann, that is pretty much the idea, which is why they are so nervous about their inability to pulverize it enough to avoid large chunks surviving.

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