It’s been a while since I took part in WWW. Since my last such post in August, I finished the draft of The Ashes of Home and have gone through several rounds of editing. As I’m getting ready for more in-depth critiquing I thought I’d put up some posts from the opening chapter...
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‘Hope springs eternal’ the ancient saying goes, but you need more than hope on your side when death comes knocking. Shayla Carver, master assassin (retired) and first governor of the Freeworld of Eloon, enjoyed more security than any ordinary paranoid could possibly hope for.
Any ordinary paranoid would be dead by now.
The official security measures handled casual bounty hunters and the merely competent. The most serious threats she relied on her own senses and training to deal with. Her airways clamped shut instinctively at the first salt-sweet taste on her tongue. Years of assassin training identified the airborne drug immediately. Peritax. A small dose would knock her out in seconds.
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Posts
20 comments:
Such an intriguing introduction! Great to be reading your snippets again. And congrats on finishing your story! :)
Hi Ian - that's good to read ... and fascinating to see how Shayla is doing ...
cheers and enjoy the festive run-up - Hilary
Hey Ian! So glad you're back! This is a fantastic opening, the only disappointment is that it has to be so short :-) Wishing you a wonderful Christmas!
Oops, better get out of there fast. And good for noticing it so fast too, I can see how normal paranoid would be dead by now.
Jessica, it felt good to finish that draft - and on time, too!
Hilary, Shayla is a bundle of trouble :)
Marcia, that's the limitation of this forum. More to come, though...
Linda, she needs to get out, and fast, but easier said than done :)
Welcome back and congrats on finishing your first draft! Such a powerful opening!
Sounds like the beginning of something exciting.
Nice to have you back on the Warriors and I enjoyed the snippet - a very intriguing beginning to the story and I definitely want to know more!
Julie, first draft done = still a long way to go :)
Angelica, life is never dull around Shayla.
Veronica, more is on the way...
enjoyed more security than any ordinary paranoid could possibly hope for.
Love this phrase! Great snippet!
You hook the reader instantly.
Elizabeth, I kinda liked it too :)
Stephen, thanks!
What a fantastic start to a story. I'm on the edge of my seat already. Oh, and welcome back! :-)
Welcome back!
She faces a lot of threats! Nicely written.
Christina, glad you think so! Beginnings are so important.
Cara, Shayla's life is one long threat!
You've got me hooked. Unique voice. Well done.
She's clearly not an ordinary paranoid!
This piece is full of awesome phrases, Ian. I can't wait to read more!
Diane, thank you!
Ed, not ordinary at all :)
Kim, tune in next week...
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