Last week we met Chalwen ap Gwynodd, Imperial Chief of Security, who's just been woken with the news of the sabotaged starship. She's just entered the cavernous security operations center...
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A whisper behind her didn't quite escape her keen hearing: "Essence of Unity, this is going to be rough."
Chalwen paused near the top of the aisle, and turned, ignoring the quaking personnel nearest to her. Vast wall displays stretched in an arc across most of her view. A map of Magentis to the left. To the right spread the inhabited worlds of humanity. In between was a schematic of planetary border security.
Chalwen glared at the livid starburst denoting a security breach. Lips pressed tight and nostrils flaring, she pointed a stylus at the starburst and watched information flow across the face of her notepad.
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19 comments:
Great details and layout of the setting! Need to go read some of those older excerpts now...well done!
Good description of the technology. Easy to visualize.
Glad you enjoyed, Steven.
Cara, I try to keep technology as much straightforward and taken for granted as possible.
Excellent. I think I was quaking a bit being so close to her. Very visual, Ian. I like the technology. Nicely done! Have a great day. Oh, I didn't participate today, just out and about reading snippets. :-)
Was the starburst on the schematic?
Thanks, Teresa. Hope you have a great day!
Sue Ann, that is what I am hoping people will realize. Trying to tread the line between trusting the reader and explaining too much.
I could certainly visualize the scene and that's an extremely imposing room she's standing in. Can't wait to learn more - great 8!
Great scene setting. I love the way we learn about the character from other's reactions to her. Nicely done.
I love how she's glaring at the technology like it's to blame for her problems. Any computer user can relate to that!
Veronica, I envisage something like a cross between a Victorian lecture hall and NASA mission control :)
Alexis, you spotted what I'm trying to do :)
Caitlin, technology today has got a lot to answer for, hasn't it?
Wow, I could see the room in my mind. Well done.
I could totally picture this, excellent excerpt!
Interesting! Is this from an ongoing MS you are writing, or just flash fiction?
Elaine, Millie, glad you were able to picture the scene.
Elizabeth, this is from a full-length MS getting ready for publication. These are just short snippets from the novel.
Awesome bit, Ian. Love your ability to add just enough detail. One tiny suggestion? Here: "Chalwen paused near the top of the aisle," I don't think you need that comma after "aisle". Nitpicky, but I can't help it :D It's still a wonderful excerpt.
I enjoy your writing very much!
Hugs!
Valerie
"Essence of Unity, this is going to be rough."
Somehow I have the sense that in your world, those words are profaning the sacred.
Thanks for sharing, great to see you again
Marcia, you may be right. No matter how many times I've gone over it, or other eyes have been cast critically, there's always little nits to pick :)
Valerie, thanks. Soon you will be able to read the whole thing for yourself.
Kelworth, you got the general idea :)
I like the starburst. Beautiful imagery. I haven't stopped in for a while, but I had to see if you're still kicking, and apparently you are. Have a wedge of virtual cheese, eh?
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