Shayla, codename "Shark", has rendezvoused in the tropical forest with members of a terrorist cell. They are traveling by boat, navigating a maze of waterways and finally emerging onto a wider stretch of open water. This segment continues straight on from last week's.
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Shayla pulled her hood close about her head, tucking telltale strands of blonde out of sight. She wondered why they were moving so slowly. She was sure the boat had the power to cross in a minute.
Cobra seemed to anticipate her thoughts. "We must behave like one of the river tribes if we don't want to attract attention. Their boats are not as fast as this one."
Tiger muttered a warning. Shayla heard a low growl above the soft hiss and suck of water.
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18 comments:
Walk, don't run & don't attract attention... a good way to add tension to the scene. Very well done.
Good tension. I had a clear sense of place as well! Nice writing.
Your description just pulls me right into the scene. Good use of sensory details, Ian! :-) Good book!
'hiss and suck of the water'. Here comes bigger trouble with a low growl. Wow! super eight.
Chelle, exactly right and so difficult to resist the temptation to run for cover.
Elsa, glad you think so.
Teresa, thanks.
Charmaine, bigger trouble indeed :)
Good description and tension.
Oh wow, you've got me curious as to what made the growl. My heart skipped a beat...
Great post. I'm wondering what is going to happen next! I could totally visualize everything that was happening in this scene.
Cara, thanks
Millie, find out next week...
Neva, thank you for visiting!
can't wait to know about the growl, that line is fantastic!
The growl is curious... Nice tension.
Love all the details. Man, I really can't wait to find out what they're up to!
Elena & Elaine, this is the odd thing about the 8 sentence fragments, things feel like more of a cliffhanger than they really are :) We'll see more next week.
Alexis, that is a big question which is what the whole book is about. Rather bigger than I think can be revealed in these short snippets.
Well, Blogger ate my first comment, so trying again: I do love the overall feeling of suspense you have going in these excerpts. It's a good point about not attracting attention. And your use of just the right details makes all the difference. :-D
Hi Ian. I especially like your last sentence: Shayla heard a low growl above the soft hiss and suck of water. Makes me want to read on.
I'd be impatient, too. The sooner they get there, the sooner she can get to work. I wonder if the growling is from Tiger or something else.
Hide in plain sight, eh?
Love it. I could feel her tension and was right there with her.
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