Continuing a draft scene from my current WIP. Last week a hungry Shayla, disguised as a forestry worker from off-planet, entered a work canteen and felt her spidey senses tingle. As she started serving herself, she got clear signals that she’d somehow broken an unwritten rule...
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With a sidelong glance, Shayla noted the dark skin and hair of a Wala native, similar to her chosen cover identity. “Trouble with the locals?” she asked in the same tongue.
The young woman behind her nodded. “The good food is reserved for Firenzi workers.” She gestured further down the counter where cauldrons of greasy stew simmered. “We get to enjoy their misbegotten take on chakchouka.”
For the first time, Shayla saw that the scattering of workers around the room was anything but random. There were no signs, no barriers, but the tables were clearly segregated with the prime seats near the windows occupied exclusively by Firenzi crews.
From the corner of her eye, she also noticed the cashier making what he probably imagined were discreet hand signals, and a pair of thugs lounging near the door getting to their feet. Bloody amateurs.
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Writing update: I’m deep into drafting The Ashes of Home, sequel to Ghosts of Innocence. So far, I’m keeping to schedule, and just today passed the 40k word mark.
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17 comments:
Oh that cannot be good. Great little scene.
I really enjoyed the way you told us so much just by her observations. It sets the scene nicely and raises the level of tension, too.
Way to keep up with writing goals! I like the way you have information so tightly-woven from who observed it and how, to why it's important.
They take their food etiquette seriously. I think there's gonna be a fight!
Hi Ian - I love how you can sketch your ideas out and write about them, the produce the artistic content too - interesting scene above ... getting bad food if you're wrong end of the society .. yugh ... cheers Hilary
I love the way you set this scene. And that last line makes me want to keep reading. Well done!
Ooooh! Nice, Ian. Love a good brawl! Picking a good seat to watch (something far away from the greasy stew!).
Interesting snippet, trouble is plainly brewing here!
Awesome way to set the mood. I've been watching Westerns on TV lately and also love a good brawl, so I'll be staying tuned to this story! :-D
Congratulations on reaching 40 thousand words on your latest project.
Thanks for your comments everyone. Yes, trouble is brewing and Shayla is not one to back down from a fight :)
Great descriptive details. I can picture this so clearly.
So they get the terrible food, huh? It's an honest mistake, but somehow I doubt it will be forgiven!
Cara, thanks, I find description is generally one of my stronger areas.
Caitlin, well the honest mistakes are an ideal opportunity to remind the masses of the consequences :)
"Bloody amateurs." They definitely have NO idea who they're messing with. lol.
Interesting glimpse into their cultural behavior where tolerance is concerned.
Great snippet! I enjoyed the scene, great visuals. The food sounds horrible, hopefully they'll get it straight!
Teresa, that is sooo true!
Neva, I think Shayla is on a mission to straighten things out :)
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