Last time I introduced a mysterious character that Shayla was hunting, just because I liked the description. This time I thought I’d backpedal a few pages and show Shayla, working undercover, on his trail.
=====
Shayla wheeled the trike into a gap at the side of the road, lined up with a half dozen assorted work vehicles, and dismounted. It was still early for lunch, but her stomach growled in protest. Stretching cramped limbs, she climbed steps up to the canteen and pushed through swing doors into the darkened shed.
Suffocating mugginess engulfed her after the cold crisp outdoors. A heady blend of spice and charcoal washed her nostrils setting her stomach gurgling again.
Rows of mess tables stretched into the distance. The only natural light came from windows behind her overlooking the street. Elsewhere, yellow ceiling lights served only to enhance the shadows at the edge of Shayla’s vision. Small huddles of early diners covertly regarded her as she made her way towards the serving counter near the far end of the room. The nape of her neck prickled.
=====
Posts
17 comments:
Sounds like a place you don't want to be caught in alone.
Very effective description - nice mixture of what she sees and her instincts.
Alex, the problem is, this should be a safe haven!
Peter, Shayla's instincts are very important to her survival :)
Spooky place she's gone to - wonder what the food tastes like?! Interesting snippet!
Nice scene setting! Very tactile sense of danger. Well done.
Veronica, we'll get to the food shortly :)
Kim, thanks.
Wonderful description! I felt like I was right there with her, same prickling up my neck, too. :)
Jessica stole the words out of my fingers -- yes, great description. You've got me wondering why she feels a premonition along her neck.
I love the visual quality of your writing. You paint great word pictures.
The sense of danger comes through here. Great tone.
Jessica, glad you felt it too :)
Ed, have you ever walked into a strange bar when it's suddenly gone quiet? Doesn't need much premonition :)
Stephen, as I mentioned in a recent post about writer's block, I'm a profoundly visual person.
Cara, will be interesting to see how this danger develops...
Great scene description with a hint of upcoming danger. :)
Smells delicious, if in need of some better ventilation! Now I wonder what's setting off her Spidey senses...
This just doesn't seem like a pleasant place to dine, even if it smells good. Great description with plenty of foreboding.
Jean, that's the idea, although this danger is a lot lower level than Shayla's used to dealing with :)
Caitlin, we'll see :)
Christina, what is not obvious from the short snippet is this is a work canteen in the middle of nowhere, so it won't be salubrious. But neither should it be threatening!
I applaud your use of the senses, Ian!
Denise, glad you spotted that :) I'm so predominantly visual I need to work at the other senses.
Post a Comment