Saturday, January 22, 2022

Weekend Writing Warriors – it’s kinda cute

http://wewriwa.blogspot.com/

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly blog hop where participants post eight to ten sentences of their writing. You can find out more about it by clicking on the image.



Continuing with a scene from Wrath of Empire, a prequel to my first novel, Ghosts of Innocence. Commander Gregor Pavlenko is overseeing maintenance on a giant plasma cannon on board battleship Wrath of Empire.


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Gregor settled into his seat and nodded thanks as an orderly placed a cup of unsweetened tea on the desk to one side. He sipped the bitter brew and cleared his mind, then turned his attention to the spread of consoles that surrounded his command post.

One by one, stations reported in. Maintenance crews cleaned pipes and nozzles, reattached wires the width of human hairs and jumper cables thicker than his forearm, replaced worn parts, closed hatches and tightened fastenings.

The plasma cannon was ancient technology, and so simple in concept—rip apart atoms of feedstock to create a star-hot plasma, and belch it out in magnetically-confined parcels of destruction—yet so complex to execute. It had been mastered by the navies of the six Families and used by many Freeworlds and brigand outworlds.

Even after all these millennia it remained the most powerful weapon in regular use. Technically, it ranked second place to the quark bomb, but nobody counted that. Attempts to assemble quark bombs had a ninety percent failure rate, along with lost lives and irradiated continents. They were not practical weapons of war.


That’s nine sentences. The scene continues ...

The plasma cannon was meek in comparison, but controlling a high grade plasma and directing it in a tight beam was still tricky. It still needed a small industrial city’s worth of power generation, containment systems, cooling systems, and all the attendant controls and sensors.

As a technology, it was commonplace, but only the Skamensis navy had successfully scaled it up to this level.

You’ve been to see Violet again, haven’t you?” Lieutenant Una Spelze, Gregor’s most senior weapons specialist, plonked herself down at the next station.

He gave a non-committal grunt.

You always get that faraway look in your eyes.” She grinned. “It’s kinda cute, you know.”

 

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Just a reminder, I am looking for one or two people to act as alpha readers. This would be for a full read through the rough draft to give feedback on the big picture. Does the plot hang together, how do the characters come across, does the story flow and reach a satisfying conclusion ... that kind of thing.

I’m happy to reciprocate if you’ve got work that you’d like an independent read through.

If you’re interested, send me an email (if you have my email address) or reach me through the contact page on my website.

10 comments:

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Ian - I hope some alpha-readers come through for you ... I really don't think I can help. All the best ... you're enjoying the story, so I hope it all comes together for you. Cheers Hilary

Nancy Gideon said...

I love the contrast of high tech to simple conversation. It brings the horrific power of the weapon into focus with that emotional element of collateral damage potential.

Jenna said...

Interesting comparison of the best highly destructive weapons they have. And then flows into a very personal conversation. Great contrast! Tweeted.

Julie said...

"Attempts to assemble quark bombs had a ninety percent failure rate, along with lost lives and irradiated continents." - EEP! :D Your descriptions are amazing, Ian! Excellent storytelling!

Jessica E. Subject said...

I love how you describe all this technology as simple yet quite complex at the same time! So well done! And it's great how the snippet changes from cold and distant to warm and personal at the end! We get to see many aspects of Gregor's personality.

Botanist said...

This part is all about the contrasts between technology and people. Glad to see that's coming through for people.

Teresa Cypher said...

I like all of the technology, the focus on the weapon, its history, use, etc, and then tuck in a little comment about a man and a woman, and have that very human observation shared at the end of it.

It IS kind of cute. :-)

Veronica Scott said...

Enjoyed the snippet! I can't really dissect what pleased me so much because it flows together so nicely as a whole. I always love your writing 'voice.'

Diane Burton said...

A great juxtaposition with the high tech description of the weapon and all that entails with his senior weapons specialist asking about his date. So cool.

Elaine Cantrell said...

What a formidable weapon! Simple, yet complex at the same time. Anyone possessing this power would be a force to be reckoned with.

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