Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly blog hop where participants post eight to ten sentences of their writing. You can find out more about it by clicking on the image.
Following Teresa's idea last month, I'm having a go at posting the draft blurb for The Long Dark. This has been through a couple of rounds of comments with a group of critiquers, but I'm keen to give it a try with a different audience:
Trapped in the lengthening nights of Elysium. Abandoned by the last convoy south. Alone with her son and his teacher.
Anna never thought she would die this way.
She won't let it come to that. She scours the darkened town for anything to help them make the long trek to rejoin their clan. But on a world starved of engineering resources it will take all her ingenuity to rig up a usable vehicle.
With a chance of escape almost in reach, they find they are not as alone as they thought. Hopes of rescue are crushed when they realize the unexpected visitors are on a mission that they will kill to keep secret. Whatever these off-world intruders want, it can't be good for Anna's world, and a fight for personal survival becomes a battle for the future of the entire colony.
While working through final edits, I've also started posting background material to my website. Click on the image to find out more.
And cover art is nearly complete. Since last month I've mostly been playing around with the look of the sun. That was one element I wasn't happy with, and I think it's heading the right way now.
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16 comments:
Your blurb has me intrigued to know more.
I really like how the cover is coming along!!
As for the blurb, the first part feels like it's focused on Anna, while the last paragraph doesn't have that same pov focus.
"A world starved of engineering resources" makes this sound like hard SF. I'm guessing this is intentional, but I thought I'd mention it in case that's not the type of book this is.
Karen, thanks.
Jessica, good point. I hadn't looked at it like that before.
Ed, yes that is intentional.
Hi Ian - I was bemused to be sent over to Sponge Cake ... but if all else fails in Elysium ... it seems there'll be sponge cake to eat! I hope there's some sugar so there's icing and give Anna and her small team energy to cope with what's ahead. Interesting blurb ... all the best - take care - Hilary
LOVE the cover development, Ian! The blurb is very tasty with some great teasers. The first three sentences set it up and the fourth - boom - makes it personal. My only suggestion would be to take out all the passive words to strip the two paragraphs down to bare active bones for an irresistible hook to readers.
Hilary, sponge it may be, sweet it is not!
Nancy, I'll look out for that.
Cover is looking great.
I agree with Nancy. It's a little passive. More active would also make it more passionate.
I think the blurb ius basically fine, especially since it is hard SF. That said, if she's a mother, might it not be good to mention the son or fighting for her son's future in the last paragraph about the fight ahead? And the teacher seems like a loose end. Man? Woman? Robot? Unless the teacher is going to be a significant plot element, then I'd leave that out. And if the (person) is going to play an important role in the plot, then the blurb needs something brief on that. I agree with what others have said, tighten up the last paragraph and maybe amp up the suspense/danger from the others. Writing blurbs is never my favorite part of releasing a book - good luck!
I think the blurb is good. I agree with the suggestions already stated.
I like it Ian. I'd read it based on this blurb. I do see what Nancy is saying though. :-)
I know. I'm no help. lol I'm still not happy with mine, but have reached a point that my time is better spent elsewhere.
Good luck getting this published. I do think it is an amazing tale!
Will be looking at tightening up especially the last para. Veronica, the teacher is important to the plot but probably not in the blurb.
There is a lot of tension in the blurb. It makes me want to know more, which means it's effective.
Naughty Netherworld Press
I might not be much help but I'll add my two cents. It got my attention for sure. I feel if the son (and his survival) is an important motivation then it might need to be brought up again to hit home what's at stake. The son is mentioned then dropped after the first paragraph. Other than that I agree with the other remarks.
Blurbs are difficult and have to do so much! After the cover, it's the blurb that captures readers. You've been busy!
First off, your cover art is coming along beautifully! Your artistic skills are every bit as impressive as your writing.
The blurb's good, too, but I agree with the other comments about it being a tad on the passive side. Also, maybe it's just me, but the expression "rig up" isn't my cuppa tea.
Take care, and have a super weekend.
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