Once again, I'm drawing from Tiamat's Nest. Here, Charles and his young grandson have just narrowly avoided death by snow plow.
=====
Charles watched Benedict happily sketching at the dining table. Several sheets of paper were already covered with bright drawings of yellow machines with large teeth.
"He doesn't seem too bothered by it," Charles whispered to Sylvie. He nursed his third beer. That, and two large brandies, were finally starting to calm the trembling in his limbs.
"It was all just a big load of excitement to him," Sylvie murmured. "He hasn't made any connection to what might have happened. He's got no concept of mortality."
=====
Posts
26 comments:
Hi Ian .. that was great - and I'd like to know more .. I wonder what the large yellow machines will be doing in Benedict's mind ..
Fascinating read .. Hilary
Those big yellow machines with teeth will likely make an appearance in his dreams later. Kids make more of a connection than we realize.
Well done. To kids, things are what they are, and they're very resiliant.
You paint a marvellous mental picture of "yellow machines with large teeth". What a way to go! Glad they survived.
BTW, Welcome to Canada :-)
Hilary, Delores, you both make a good point. The experience will likely come back to haunt him later, but this is not Ben's story. We're following Charles, and he has much worse yet to face ;)
Elaine, thanks, that's what I was hoping to show.
Debbie, Canada is a great place to settle. Thanks for your kind wishes.
Hmmm, your 8 sentences have hooked me,I want to know what is the story is behind the killer snow plow!
But I wonder at Charles and Sylvie's reaction to the drawings - to me this shouts: kid working out his feelings, but both seem oblivious - this makes me doubt Charles's integrity as narrator...or at least his acumen.
I want to know if this was a deliberate attempt on Charles' life (or Ben's I suppose). Death by snowplow would be a believable accident . . .
Drama Mama, that's a fair thought. It may be obvious to you, but I'm not convinced such thinking would occur to many people - especially when they are in the middle of dealing with their own feelings.
Sarah, you nailed it! It appears to be an accident, and a believable one, but it eventually becomes clear that it was very deliberate.
Machines with teeth, a rather substantial arsenal of things alcoholic, a whispered comment about the third party present (a child? a teenager?) who has no sense of mortality, and you've implied quite an adventure in eight sentences. Of course, from a toxicological perspective, I'm wondering how much Charles weighs and/or how habituated he is; that's five drinks at least, which qualifies as binge drinking, and he seems rather casual about the whole thing...
All of which to say, yes, I'd read more!
I like the dialogue exchange between the two and the drinking is a nice touch too. Nice to meet another Brit...I was born northwest of London.
That's very nice. The fear an adult feel on witnessing a child in danger is very slow to fade.
Glad to find another SF writer on WWW. And the difference in reaction with age is well done.
EP, that's a good insight. I have portrayed Charles through the story as borderline alcoholic, so this is fully in character. Well done to pick up on that :)
Frank, they say "write what you know" and this kind of drinking is very familiar to me, so was natural to include. Howdy, fellow Brit :)
Elin, you are so right there. That is something else I was hoping would come across.
Sue, thanks, and we do seem heavily outnumbered, don't we?
I think you capture the child's point of view so well, which can be difficult. His drawings are pretty much what a kid would do to work out the left over fear. An interesting snippet!
Perhaps Charles should sit down and draw with Benedict. It might help him process everything, or at least reinforce the fact that the danger is past and Benedict is safe now.
I can relate to how he feels though. I've been in situations where one of my kids was in danger (and oblivious to it) and it took a long time to calm down afterwards.
This is one of my favorites today! I love the way you set this up; I could hear the slight ticking in the first sentences, and it got louder as the scene evolved, but then came the end and with it, a massive explosion. Amazing!!
There is nothing like a child or grandchild being in danger to rock you to the core. I'm wondering why yellow as well as the machine with teeth.
Veronica, I guess I must still be a kid at heart :)
Kate, been there too. It shakes you up.
Thanks, Dana!
Red Wing, that's the trouble with short snippets out of context. It's a very literal child's perspective. The previous scene (which isn't posted) describes the snow plow - yellow, and it's the rotary kind with whirling blades at the front.
Hmmm, this is an intriguing snippet, dear sir.
Very nice, Botanist! I could visualize the snowplow, yellow, and to a child, how it had teeth. Built nicely to this: "He's got no concept of mortality." And that is a perfect way to let this short snippet hang. What a mouthful. :-)
Thank you, Susan.
Teresa, yeah, I figured that was a good point to end on :)
Very nice!
Ooh nice! I want to know what happened, now.
your dialogues are so believable and natural...I have a huge problem with dialogue :(. I like your writing so much Ian.
RaShelle, thanks.
Misha, well, that would be telling, wouldn't it? ;) Maybe another post.
Unikorna, thanks, I like to consider dialogue one of my strong points. I'm fortunate, I know a lot of people struggle with it.
Post a Comment