Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly blog hop where participants post eight to ten sentences of their writing. You can find out more about it by clicking on the image.
It’s been a year since I last posted on Weekend Writing Warriors. A year ago, I'd just finished the first draft of The Long Dark. Since then, it’s been going through intensive critiquing and editing and I’m on the home stretch to publication later this year. This week, I’m posting from the opening chapter.
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From the center seat in the crawler’s drive cab, six meters above the ground, Anna ’t Hooft studied the treacherous terrain ahead.
Ground radar painted a cross-section of the organic mass under her wheels. Labyrinthine chasms and crevices plunged hundreds of meters deep. Twisted columns and webs of plant tissue spread and interlocked to form a solid-looking surface.
On Sponge, looks could be fatally deceptive.
A tingle ran up Anna’s back, and she blanked the radar screen. She could read the surface details well enough. She could tell what they concealed, and in her mind could reduce the plant mass to safe, clinical labels: soft, brittle, strong, source of water, building material, harvestable tubers. All the treasures Sponge had to offer could be divined from the colors, textures, and contours up here.
She preferred to not actually see what lay below.
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19 comments:
An intriguing beginning! Congrats on being almost ready to publish later this year. :)
One minor suggestion: although the planet sounds like it kinda resembles a sponge, I think calling it Sponge is a little cutesie. Plus, I think a two or more syllable word would "sound" better. (I'm all about the rhythm of words within a sentence.)
You say: "On Sponge, looks could be fatally deceptive."
A couple of other possibilities spring to my mind. "On Olynthus, looks could be fatally deceptive." or "On Poriferan, looks could be fatally deceptive." Both are types of sponges, but the words are more rhythmic and sound more substantial. More serious. Just a thought. :)
Take care.
Great scene building! Glad to see you again. :-)
Welcome back, Ian! This is a great beginning! I love how you introduced the character and the setting together!
Susan, thanks for your thoughts. The planet's official name is Elysium. Sponge is the locals' nickname for it, intended to be cynical rather than serious.
Ornery Lady and Jessica, it's good to be back. Looking forward to seeing what the crew is up to these days.
As Jessica said, "Welcome back, Ian!" You've made a great start, and in only 10 sentences, on making this exotic world comprehensible. The planet's flora is huge and impressive, which makes me wonder what the fauna may be like.
Great to have you back again, Ian! And with such a great tease. So visual and insightful as to your character. Can't wait to read more . . .
Hey Ian! Welcome back. I am so excited to read that TLD is progressing so well.
Nice beginning. What a fascinating world you've built. :-)
FYI, last week, wewriwa's rules were relaxed, allowing for longer excerpts. You'll prolly notice other participants utilizing the change. I wrote about it again this week on my wewriwa post. :-)
SO good to have you posting again!
Welcome back, loved the excerpt! All the vivid details and the sort of ominous mystery about what lies beneath...terrific snippet.
Ed, very good question. As it happens, the plant is dangerous enough, there is no other life form on the planet.
Nancy, more will be forthcoming.
Teresa, thanks for the note about the change in rules. I'll make use of that later.
Veronica, they'll get intimate with what lies beneath later on.
Okay. Cool. Makes sense!
Interesting! Not sure I'd want to actually see it either.
Welcome back! It's awesome that you're close to publishing this story. Until then, I look forward to reading any snippets you post! :)
Alex, Sponge is a dangerous host :)
Julie, getting close, working on artwork now.
Great detail and foreshadowing, I can't wait to read more.
Great imagery of what lays beneath.
Detail is good, and so is the foreshadowing.
Welcome back, Ian. Great detail. Love her matter-of-fact attitude to what she sees or doesn't see. I'm very interested in this story.
I had the privilege of reading a draft of this story on Critique Circle. Definitely worth waiting for!
Hi Ian - interesting to read this ... glad I started at the beginning and read the comments ... I'm not sure I'd leave myself without some technical support - but guess Anna is wise enough ... congratulations as you move on with the story - Hilary
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