Weekend Writing Warriors January 28

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly blog hop where participants post eight to ten sentences of their writing. You can find out more about it by clicking on the image below.

Continuing a scene from my first book, Ghosts of Innocence.

Shayla has stolen the identity of a newly-appointed senior public servant, and infiltrated the Palace in disguise. She has already fallen foul of her new boss, Mabbwendig ap Terlion, Master of the Emperor’s Domestic Household, and is confronting her again in the cavernous staff dining hall.

Mabb has just ordered food to be served, but the senior waiter is clearly expecting something from Shayla/Brynwyn first. Note - Shayla first met Luke Frendis in an earlier scene, where she surprised everyone in the room by showing Brynwyn’s deeply religious side.

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The slap of Shayla's hand on the table broke the silence. All faces turned towards her as she stood. She knew what Brynwyn would do here, what Luke Frendis was waiting for, but her stomach knotted as she thought how Mabbwendig might react.

"Are we all swine at a trough?" Her voice carried to every corner of the room. "Is gratitude so impoverished here?"

She bowed her head and clasped her hands in front of her. Without waiting to see if anyone followed her lead, Shayla said, "From sea to cloud to rainfall, from field to crop to table, we take from the earth and we give back to it. In the circle of life we are united, and we offer thanks for the life-giving gifts brought to our table today. May the nourishment of the body nourish the soul."

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Weekend Writing Warriors January 21

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly blog hop where participants post eight to ten sentences of their writing. You can find out more about it by clicking on the image below.

Continuing a scene from my first book, Ghosts of Innocence.

Shayla has stolen the identity of a newly-appointed senior public servant, and infiltrated the Palace in disguise. She has already fallen foul of her new boss, Mabbwendig ap Terlion, Master of the Emperor’s Domestic Household, and is confronting her again in the cavernous staff dining hall.

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Mabb's nostrils flared, but Shayla had not quite given her cause for a public reprimand. Instead Mabb clapped her hands and shrieked, "Food!"

Shayla recognized the senior waiter, Luke Frendis, standing behind Mabb's table, looking like he'd bitten a lemon. The serving staff watched Luke, clearly waiting for his signal. His eyes were on Shayla; he tilted his chin slightly at her.

Dammit! What's he playing at?

The silence deepened, broken when Mabb twisted her head around and yelled, "Scriven! Start serving." Spittle flew from her quivering lips.

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A minor dilemma

One of the online groups I hang out with is doing a group read. I recently downloaded the book they’ve selected and started reading.

I am struggling.

The book is riddled with issues - incorrect grammar and punctuation, inconsistent formatting, and (a more subjective issue) it feels over-wordy, like there’s a lot of fat and fluff that could be trimmed out and tightened up without detracting from the story. I would say this book is a long way from being ready to publish, and I have a feeling the author has never sought genuinely independent critical or editorial feedback.

This all makes it a slog to read as my eye trips up over multiple issues on each page.

However, the issues do seem to be consistent, so I guess the author has been diligent in his own editing. It’s just that he clearly wasn’t diligent enough to actually learn how to (for example) punctuate dialogue correctly.

Yes, I remember having to look up and re-learn a load of long-forgotten rules when I first started writing, but it just seemed a natural thing to want to do in order to express myself clearly.

And, I have to say, I believe there is actually a good story underneath all this distraction.

So, my dilemma is whether or not to say anything to the author.

On one hand, I feel he’s doing himself a disservice. If he were aware, especially of the technical errors, they’d be easy to fix and he’d immediately have a product that didn’t look so obviously amateur. Plus - and this is an entirely selfish reaction - a part of me is angry because this is an example of why self-publishing has such a poor reputation. Every book that gets published with such glaring issues makes it more difficult for all Indies to be taken seriously.

On the other hand, it’s a free country, he’s not breaking any laws, and he may be perfectly happy with his book and how it’s doing out in the marketplace. It’s really not for me to step in with unsought advice.

And then again, I notice these kinds of things because I’ve been so immersed in the writing world that a misplaced period or wrongly capitalized word leaps out and smacks me in the eye. But what about the majority of readers out there? Do they care? Would they even notice? Does it really matter?

So, what would you do?

Weekend Writing Warriors January 7

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly blog hop where participants post eight to ten sentences of their writing. You can find out more about it by clicking on the image below.

Continuing a scene from my first book, Ghosts of Innocence.

Shayla has stolen the identity of a newly-appointed senior public servant, and infiltrated the Palace in disguise. She has already fallen foul of her new boss, Mabbwendig ap Terlion, Master of the Emperor’s Domestic Household, but has since kept out of Mabb’s way while she establishes herself in her new position. However, she’s decided to face Mabb on her own turf - in the cavernous staff dining hall.

“Master of Circuses” is the Shayla’s official title in the Palace hierarchy.

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The diminutive figure of Mabbwendig ap Terlion, Master of the Emperor's Domestic Household, appeared in a doorway near the far end of the hall. As she took her seat in the center of the top table, one of her Heads of Staff leaned over and whispered in her ear. Eyes turned towards Shayla.

Mabb smiled, slow and predatory. "So, Master of Circuses finally graces us with her presence." Her eyes glittered in the light streaming from windows set high in the wall behind Shayla. "Methought our company too poor for Her Provincial Highness."

Muted laughter swept the room; angry warmth crept up Shayla's cheeks. She remained silent, but half-stood and bobbed her head in Mabb's direction. The minimal show of deference would not be lost on the Palace functionaries.

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