It’s been a while since I took part in this blog hop, and as I’m deep into drafting my next novel I thought it would be fun once in a while to drop in a snippet hot off the keyboard.
This segment is from a little way into the story. Shayla is looking for a man who’s been reported to be causing trouble, and has followed a lead to a makeshift bar in a remote forestry work camp.
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Shayla noticed the man even before talk in the room stilled.
It wasn’t his size that marked him out, though he could comfortably stand toe to toe with a bear. It wasn’t the startling contrast between graying, almost white hair and beard framing his florid face. It wasn’t even the motley layers of many-times-patched clothing that drew her attention.
It was his eyes, his expression. Not blank, not vacant, but not here. He steered himself to a seat in the corner, heedless of the people scurrying out of his way. For all his immense physical appearance, the man was utterly absent from the room.
For a moment, Shayla felt herself being pulled from her world and into whatever alternate reality this man inhabited, as though her presence here was a substance that could be siphoned off into a vacuum.
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21 comments:
You give a very intense description of the man.
"the man was utterly absent from the room"
I agree with Aurora. Awesomely intense! Looking forward to more, thanks for sharing.
I like the description of the man, but I also like Shayla's feeling of being siphoned off into his reality - a very effective image!
Aurora, that's what I was hoping for.
Kim, I kinda liked that sentence :)
Peter, at this stage I'm drafting and seeing what sticks. Good to have your feedback.
Hey Ian, so great to see you back! Excellent descriptions, of both the man and Shayla's feeling. You tuck all that so neatly into this little excerpt, and I'm jealous :D :D
Hope life has been treating you well!
Great descriptions, both of the man and the feeling he evokes!
Very few words yet totally engaging. Happy Easter.
Hi Marcia, yeah, I've been absent a while. Hope to get back into the habit of doing a few more of these posts, though.
Christina, thanks.
Stephen, Happy Easter to you also :)
Very good character description, especially the eyes.
Well, that's just weird. I wonder what's going on with that guy. He seems quite interesting!
Very intriguing. Who is this large man, and from where does he hail?
John, thanks, I like the eyes too.
Caitlin, Shayla is asking herself those same questions.
Cyndi, that's something Shayla is going to come to a startling realization about :)
Cool writing. I don't what the deal is with this dude, but you've got me curious to find out.
Glad you're back with WeWriWa, says an emigrant science fiction writer from BC to an immigrant SF writer in BC.
Ohhh, intriguing snippet. Love the description and the way you build up to his eyes. Great excerpt.
Pleased to meet you, Ed. Now wondering what made you leave Beautiful BC :)
Tina, thanks.
Well done on the character description and the scene. A good lesson for beginning writers on how to weave a character's looks into a story without say ing something like, He was a big man with a blank stare." Your really pull the reader into the story.
Lovely, interesting angles and descriptions. I'm glad to see you back. :)
Cindy, don't you hate it when it seems like you're reading from a character sheet?
Dana, thanks, I've missed this group.
Interesting scene! Definitely caught my attention and made me wonder what happens next. :-)
Vivid scene painting, Ian.
It's good to see you again! I have to ask--since I've lost track. Is this a sequel to GOI? I hope so! :-)
Misha, that's the idea :)
Teresa, yes, this is indeed a sequel. Shayla's back :)
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